I woke up this morning
And my brain blared
“BREAKING NEWS!”
The liver committed tax fraud
The spleen stabbed a man
Oh, and the gluteus maximus
Well, that one’s left unspoken
So I went to go eat breakfast
And my brain cried out
“BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!”
The adam’s apple stole a pie
The pointer finger to your goldfish
Quickly said bye-bye
And the left nostril..
(REDACTED)
At this point, I shouted aloud
Though nobody could hear
“Next you’re going to tell me…
“Of my left ear’s unpleasant burglaries.”
Complete and total silence followed.
This was as much a yes as anything
And so I climbed down the basement stairs
To find the body of my landlord
Who’d been lying prone
since last year
So let this be a lesson
Let all kids know far and wide
That every time you commit a crime
It’s probably worse than the illegalities
Being committed right inside